The Third Element


I was reading a little snippet from ars earlier today about the positive effects of lithium on depression and how naturally occurring lithium ions (Li+) can improve the mood of parts of a nation. I was thinking: what if we selectively introduced it into the water supply of say, the ESRI whose pronouncements last week left the nation in a state of depressed numbness? Maybe lithium – the third element in the periodic table –  could serve to pull the mavens out of their collective funk and get us all happy and productive again. Light at the end of the tunnel? Lithium in the taps?

Just imagine; the film possibilities are endless, you could have the prequel “Helium, the Second Element” starring Enda Kenny (pre Lithium) with an artificial squeaky voice bemoaning the state of the nation, skip the sequel (Beryllium just doesn’t have that ring to it) and move swiftly on to the second sequel, a re-make of The Fifth Element, starring Mary Coughlan as Leeloo and Brian Cowen as Korben Dallas. Fantastic. I’d get Eamon Gilmore to direct them both and Mary Harney to do hair & makeup.

The Third Element itself, okay, I see Minister Eamon Ryan as a swashbuckling Indiana Jones-type character, yahoo-ing in on his bicycle saving the day, dishing out the packets of environmentally friendly Li+ from atop his saddle, Lucinda Creighton TD as the reticent love interest who takes a lot of convincing about the legal aspects and Sen. David Norris as the learned, avuncular professor-type, enunciating blissfulness far and wide.

OK, so it’s decided. Now, off to write the screenplay.